Well, we are back in 'Merica and slowly adjusting to regular life. Seeing our family & friends and coming home to our house has been amazing. Adjusting to public agitation, food prices & carpool spreadsheets have not.
Mostly we are overwhelmed with gratitude for our experience this year. What an incredibly lucky opportunity for us to be together, to explore, and to experience so many incredible people, places and meals.
A few final reflections from each of us:
Grayson: One of my many favorite experiences was the times we went snorkeling in Indonesia on our 5 day boat ride. The underwater biodiversity was spectacular, and it was easy to tell based off of the colors, fish, and my marine biologist uncle’s face. Not just the fish were amazing, but the coral as well. There was so much diversity of coral and fish. We learned so many cool things, like how there is a particular type of fish that is protective of its home and will swim full speed up to your face, so close that you flinch and back up, but then swims back to where it was without hitting you. The first time it's a bit scary but then it becomes a fun joke. Another fact we learned was about moray eels. Uncle Jeff taught us a clever trick to spot the Moray’s in song form. If you're out on the reef and you see great big teeth, it's a morayyyyy. Stick your hand in a crack and you won’t get it back, it's a morayyyyy. Besides seeing awesome fish and coral, we did end up seeing a moray eel and, on a tiny island about 30 yard long and 15 yards wide, we saw around 4 or 5 sea turtles! Overall, that may have been my favorite activity over all the trips, but it is such a hard decision.
One thing that I think was a challenge for all of us, was the language difference. When we first got to Taiwan and were still learning the basics of Chinese, like hello and thank you, dad once said to a waitress after she took his tray, Ni hao (hello), instead of Xièxiè (thank you), and we all had a good laugh. Another example was when I was trying to learn how to say, where is the bathroom. It is spelled Cèsuǒ zài nǎlǐ in alphabetic letters, and pronounsted tsus wa zai nal ee. The first part, tsus, is not a sound English speakers are used to so it took some time to learn. Each time we saw our cousins who speak Chinese fluently, I would try to say “sus wa zai nal ee” and they would respond “No, tsus wa zai nal ee.” “Tus wa zai nal ee?” “Tsus wa zai nal ee.” “Tussss” “Tsussss” “Sussss” Tsussss” “Tsussss” “Yes!!” Finally I got it and could say it reasonably understandable.
Those experiences have taught me that you won’t get everything done on the first try, you have to practice a lot to get better, and that you have to be brave and do something your not used to, even if you get it wrong. One thing I can incorporate all these skills into is when I start tackle football this year. I won’t be used to the scheme of things and I will have to practice and try out new skills.
Poppy: One of my favorite experiences was going on the boat trip in Indonesia. I loved it because we got to see a bunch of amazing places while being on a boat. For example, we woke up very early one morning and hiked up this mountain, and not only did we get to see the sunrise we got to see 3 different colored beaches, including pink, black and, white. This is important to me because you do not get to see such a great view all the time. It was also very important because we got to be with our cousins which made it five times better.
For me there were not many challenges at all. The only thing that i can think of is not that bad, it was when we were in Qijin and we were at the beach and we had our swimsuits on but the water in the ocean was freezing cold! Grayson just hopped in but I was hesitating because after when I would get out I'd be so cold. But I went for it and got in the water. Later when i got out it was not that bad because i was already so cold from the water that i was just as cold outside the water.
I learned to sometimes just try something new even if you think it sounds weird or gross. Like in Taiwan on our island tour we went to some restaurants that had jellyfish, and other fish and foods. But if you try it it could become your favorite food. For example, there is a fruit in taiwan called a buddha's head and I tried it thinking this can’t be that good and it turned out to be one of my favorite fruits.
Kim: I find myself wanting to shift our regular life to carry forward what we experienced this year. I am afraid that we will slip back into regular life and somehow lose the ways we grew and changed over the past year.
I hope we remember how time works. That it is our most valuable resource. What we do with it, how we "spend" it is a decision. We can pack our lives with so many to do's, appointments, rush hour commutes that time becomes this sliver of gold that we are forever mining. Or we can try to mold it to align with our values and needs. In Taiwan, with fewer responsibilities and appointments, time was expansive. We had so much unstructured time, to wander, to explore, to be curious about what we would discover. We could pick a neighborhood and wander through - stop for something that looked delicious, walk through a shady park, browse a busy market on short city street. When we did, miracuously, time expanded! It was fluid rather than constrained. We had time for slow starts to the day - a walk, a stretch, a long breakfast where observations and reflections could be shared. We played card game after card came over mango smoothies or stumbled upon temples and rituals where we learned how others see the world. I hope to find a way to preserve a bit of this shift from packed to spaciousness - to do a bit less so we can enjoy it much more.
I've always loved being in the outdoors, but this year I've been lucky to befriend nature. My first love was Da'an Park - an expansive green "central" park only 5 minutes from our place. Green trees of all types planted into clusters slowly change the landscape as you walk through dark shaded areas and then wide open palm trees. It is alive with activity - individuals and groups, dancing, patting, stretching, chanting. With small apartments preventing hosting of parties, everyone gathers in the park - families picnicking, multigerational basketball games - and my friend Ellen and I winding through laps as we discussed our work, families, experiences. My friend, Bri, told me that she moves around the world so often that it is sometimes easier to make friends with a place than with people, and Da'an park was a good friend. I'd find myself picking up litter on her paths to help her out. This love of nature was echoed throughout our travels: in Indonesia where I smiled underwater while swimming alongside a sea turtle or watched the sunset as thousands of giant bats flew overhead; in Thailand standing in the shadow of a towering elephant or entering a park full of orchids; walking amongs the bright orange leaves and green bamboo forrests of Japan. And New Zealand - I don't know where to start, except to say that I saw first hand how we can live in right relationship with our more-than-human world - caring for it, appreciating it. Nature gave me the most feelings of awe this year, and I am grateful to have shifted my relationship to it.
Be in the flow of kindness. When we prepared to leave for Taiwan, Bill from the TECO office told us that what we would love most is the kind people. I suspected we all say that about our home, but he was RIGHT. To be new in a place where you know no one, don't know how to get around, how to purchase things, how to navigate or speak, could only have been so easy because of the organized flow of kindness. From the lines where people patiently waited to board the MRT; to the hushed welcome to the HSR asking us to speak quietly so as not to disturb our neighbors; to the minor happenings that made the news in Taiwan - there was a sense of orderly flow where everyone considered, not only what they needed, but what others needed as well. People were willing to go out of their way to help us even when that meant no profit or benefit for them. Our paint seller giving us his cell phone number so we could navigate buying spackle at another shop; the cafe in Toroko Gorge explaining that it wasn't worth buying bread if you weren't going to stay for the view; the ice cream lady generously helping us organize our order to maximize the best tastes. I slowly started to relax in my interactions with others - started shifting from a bracing concern for how things would go to an assumption of good will and kindness. What a gift. Things don't flow as collectively and generously in the US as they do in Taiwan, but I hope I can hold on to the assumption of kindness and the consideration for our impact on others as we navigate back at home.
I hope we remember to be brave and take risks. I experienced such space for new discovery - new experiences, new ideas, new feelings in our bodies, new emotions. To be curious and follow that curiosity. To try when we aren't sure exactly how it will turn out. It was awkward - that time I gave a boxing kitten t-shirt that was way too small to my collaborator; that time when the young people at the afterschool program all thanked me with 20 seconds of uninterupped eye contact; that time when Trae, proud of his google translating of a Chinese menu, accidentally ordered 3 single dumplings instead of 3 orders of dumplings for dinner; that time we followed a giddy outdoor guide off trail. To not know or have all the answers but to show up wholly ready to be open to what comes. To jump off ziplines without too much overthinking. To present half formed ideas for conversations with others. To breath through 6-hour nausiating bus rides to discover small villages and different ways of life. I hope we find ways to continue to bravely explore and take new risks.
I hope I don't forget what "work" can feel like when the focus is on building relationships and understanding rather than producing. To let go of the formula, the transactional nature of work, to let loose of ambition for external approval. To trully learn for the sake of learning - what a joy. To meet a colleague who sees the work differently, who can tell me about the parts that are most meaningful to them; who tells me about their family and traditions and values; who shares their reflections on politics, food, religion - that is the learning I crave. To discover and create together - what if my collaborations back at home could recreate this freedom and flexibility.
Lastly, I hope we remember how our bodies felt when we engaged in all of the above. Noticing how we felt when we priortized rest and movement and exploration - when we gave our bodies what they needed rather than forcing them to keep up - noticing their calm and groundedness. A walk through the park, taking in the greenery, moving through yoga and tai chi; coming home to stretch out the parts that, with age, are starting to feel a bit tight and strained, eating the snack that feels right at the moment, taking a late morning nap when that is what is called for. Getting help from a stranger, eating a new ice cream flavor, stumbling upon a ceremony. Even eating salad for breakfast. No rush, no pressure. The ease, the centeredness - what a gift.
Trae: As I reflect on our last 10 months abroad, I think my biggest takeaway is gratitude. I’m so thankful for the opportunity for us to live in Taiwan and to travel around as much as we did. I realize more and more what a unique and special time in our lives this was. I’m so thankful for Kim’s hard work to apply and get awarded a Fulbright and then how she downplays how big of a deal that scholarship truly is. I'm so thankful for the life we are building together. The more we traveled around and experienced new things, the more it became apparent how easy our kids are and how fun they are to be with. As much as we loved being in Taiwan, it also made me appreciate how wonderful our families and friends are and how nice it is to be back home too.
As we were preparing to leave for Taiwan, I was in a job that I once loved and a place where I poured my heart and soul in to. I was in turmoil because work had turned into a horribly toxic, stress filled space but at the same time, I was surrounded by some of the best co-workers and friends you could ask for. I was at the end of my rope, but felt guilty wanting to leave my team. I had to make a decision to leave regardless of our opportunity for Taiwan or not. Leaving was equal parts sadness, stress, guilt, and relief.
Once arriving in Taiwan, it was such a sense of relief…along with high heat and humidity. We were literally cleaning and packing up until the 11th hour. I installed a broken sprinkler head at 1am the morning of our departure. Said sprinkler head broke within a month and I had to hire someone to come out to the house anyways. But our arrival was the start to our incredible journey and just the first example of what made it so special.
Jeff, Jean, Enzo, and Kerai met us at our hotel in Taipei. What an amazing gift to fly across the world where you don’t know anyone and don’t speak the language, only to be welcomed by family who also speak the language and know their way around the city. That wonderful welcome and kindness was something we found throughout our time. That kindness is something that I hope to always hold close and constantly remind myself to pay it forward. People like KH, Nina, Nick, Sean, the guy at the paint store, Miss Jenny, the random guy at McDonald’s, so many people who showed us above and beyond kindness when they really didn’t have to.
Being in Taiwan and being unemployed created a unique, wonderfully slow pace. We were never really in a hurry. Once the kids started school, Kim and I ate breakfast together almost every morning. Wonderfully long breakfasts where we could talk and connect. Something we have never had the opportunity to do before. This was much different than my normal eating on the run or at my desk at work while trying to complete some task on my computer. I listened to podcasts and books every day. I had time to think about what my next job would be, but not too much. I started counting the number of times I would chew. I read 30 chews is the magic number to maximize nutritional value of the food I was consuming. I was home every day when the kids returned from school or Kim and I would pick them up at the rec center when they finished swim lessons. We would eat dinner every night together and not be in a rush as the kids rarely had homework and Kim and I didn’t have work to finish up. We could go out to eat, play at the park, go explore, etc.
I started working out again. I had a hard time finding any continuing education opportunities in English, so I started going to a personal trainer who specializes in corrective exercises and sports massage. I had a chance to learn how she was trained and try and pick up any new tips and tricks. It was horrible and fantastic all at the same time. It received constant judgment on my lack of mobility by my trainer Val. But she helped me get healthy. I stopped taking blood pressure medication, I didn’t have any stress, and I could touch my toes again.
There are so many wonderful memories I have from the last 10 months. I hope to not lose sight of the wonderful community we have around us, and not forget about the wonderful experiences of Taiwan, Indonesia, Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, and New Zealand and remember all of the kindsness we received. I know it will be easy to fall back into some of the old stress, but I want to minimize falling into those spaces as much as possible. I want to keep taking care of myself so that I can enjoy the people around me for as long as possible. There is a realization that time with Kim, Poppy, Grayson, my mom, Ty, Tia, the Benders, and our friends is limited. Not thinking of it in a morbid sort of way, but more just shifting my focus to being present. I really want to appreciate the times we have together and not worry about all the other “stuff”. Have good food with good people and have the awareness to cherish and be grateful for those moments together.
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